


Forfeited

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 2- Dribs and Drabs [23]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015)
Genre: Commitment, F/M, Marriage, Poldark AU, Post VBT, Regret, Ross gets told, S2 scene filler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 21:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10544716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: S2 Episode 9 filler after Ross visits Demelza in bed.  Thoughts and feelings spurred by Tumblr gifs of that scene





	

**Author's Note:**

> Pure fluff and nothing more so please excuse any grammatical or other errors--I'm doing this on the down low.
> 
> As always I own nothing and no one.

She watched as he left the room, her head still held high, her fingers twisting around the gold band she wore.  Once she was sure he was out of earshot, she let out a sob; the cry she was holding in since the night he left her to go to Trenwith.  His return the next morning was a surprise as she was sure he was gone for good, finally ensconced in the place he’d coveted for so long.  Elizabeth’s house and bed.  Her reaction at seeing him in those pre-dawn hours was instinctual.  The physical release she imparted on him was not just anger that he left but partially anger that he returned so contrite, with not an ounce of remorse.  Her reaction this morning to his statement about selling machinery was again disbelief.  She ignored the words coming out of his mouth as they meant nothing to her.  They were just words and not the words she wanted to hear.  She thought even he could spit out the words “I’m sorry.” Or if he wasn’t sorry, be honest that he was just there temporarily to clean up business before moving out to live with his first love.

Going to pick up the teacup again she found her hand shaking as the tears fell on to the porcelain. Putting it down again, she pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, bowing her head.  Thoughts and visuals ran through her mind as she tried to make sense of what had happened in the past forty eight hours that was now going to change her life, and that of her son’s, forever.  He’d left her without a backwards glance in a futile attempt to stop something that most likely was going to happen anyway.  And in doing so he had forgotten his vows to her, putting it down to imperfection which was an ironic thought considering that the person he committed this act with has been held up as the epitome of perfection for as long as she could remember.  The tears suddenly gave way to a bitter laugh.  How foolish she was to think that he would actually stop himself from the inevitable.  Or perhaps she was angry at herself for not forcibly stopping him and letting him go in the first place. But what good would that have done?  He would just resent her even more and most likely end up blaming her when the marriage took place.  Not considering that maybe his perfect, first love had finally made a decision on her own for once in her life. 

She thought back to minutes ago when she mentioned that perhaps that love truly didn’t intend to accept this new proposal but rather was using it as a final attempt to get him. And to a degree it worked. When she had met her in the market that day, not once did the Widow Poldark deny not liking having Ross come to her beck and call.  Nor did she understand that Demelza was serious about returning him when she was done.  Well, now she wondered if after that night she would be done with him at all. Or did she want him full time.  The pain reappeared and her chest hurt.  Moving the tray out of the way, she rose and walked to the dressing table to look at herself.  What she saw was the same person she was a few days ago, except now, the love that had filled her had warped into something unpleasant.  For her son’s sake she would rise above this and if needed, make a life elsewhere. She was resilient and a fighter. Except this time she wasn’t sure she had it in her to fight the ideal that had shadowed her marriage.  Maybe it was time to give up the ghost and move on.  The thought sent a stabbing pain through her as Ross Poldark had become her life from the day he picked her up off the street.  Yet, maybe it was time to let that go and admit that she was fighting a losing battle all along. 

Dressing quickly, Demelza left her room--for it no longer felt like “theirs”--and went to find her son.  Peering into his room she saw it was empty so she assumed he was downstairs with Prudie. Walking into the kitchen she inquired about Jeremy’s whereabouts.

“Cap’n took him and Garrick outside, maid,” she replied with a scowl. 

It was clear that Demelza’s change of attitude towards being the lady of Nampara was not sitting well with the servant. Today she didn’t care because for once she was going to think about herself.  She stepped through the small passageway to the yard and there saw Ross with Jeremy by his side trying to give Garrick a bath.  It was the first time in months that her husband had this kind of interaction with their child as most of his time was spent with his cousin’s son.  Debating on whether to join them or not, Demelza decided to stay in the doorway and watch the scene play out.

****~~~~****

“Jeremy! Don’t pull on Garrick like that.  You’ll hurt him and I think mama would be very upset if you hurt someone she loved.” 

Ross heard the words coming out of his mouth and had to fight the bile that rose in his throat for wasn’t he the master of hurt.  Hadn’t he imparted the ultimate pain without a second thought?  He looked away from his son, embarrassed that he had perpetrated such a monstrous act against his wife and Jeremy’s mother.  The worst thing was that he knew before the sun rose the morning after that it was a horrible mistake that he couldn’t undo.  The ride home was endless as he tried to formulate some sort of reasoning or explanation in his head. He thought he had the words to justify his actions but when he saw Demelza, stoically standing there doing chores as normal, they seemed petty and useless.  As he approached her he expected to see tears and was prepared for those; instead he got the coldest look he had ever seen from another human being.  It cut through him and made the words he spit out seem even more inane as he heard them float across the morning air.  And he saw she was having none of it.  His assumption that her unwavering love would overcome his betrayal was wrong as her hand connected with his cheek. 

He looked over his shoulder to the area where he lay after her reactionary attack and smiled wryly. She was right of course about everything.  She knew what he’d end up doing and he didn’t listen.  Again.  His arrogance and idiocy leading his charge that night to Trenwith. He didn’t want her to be right. He just wanted to show her that he could control something after everything that happened that day was out of his control.  And so he went to seize the one person he knew, or thought he knew, and who would accept whatever he did because she had wanted him for so long.  He was wrong.  For once in her life, his perfect love fought for and against something. She fought for her right to make a decision, even though he was sure it was the wrong one; and she fought him. Something he never thought he’d encounter from her.  The year-long flirtation she had teased coming to a head that night when he called her out on her tactics expecting her to admit what she’d done and when she did not, he took it upon himself to give her what she hinted at for so long.

Ross looked back over at Jeremy who was trying desperately to wrangle Garrick into submission when he caught a glimpse of Demelza in the doorway watching him.  His heart ached as he looked at his wife, her face neutral as she espied him and their son.  He had tried earlier to talk to her and of course went about it all wrong.  Because he didn’t know how to apologize or beg for forgiveness, he started a conversation about selling the gear of the mine.  As if she really had any interest in that when their lives were in tatters because of something that was avoidable. Not the rock fall that claimed the life of their friend but his impulsive act of interference where it wasn’t needed.  Or as it turned out, even wanted.  As he listened to Demelza that morning, he had to wonder if what she said was the true.  Had Elizabeth, his onetime perfect love, baited him with George’s proposal just to get him to declare his hand? Was he played the fool that night?  Or perhaps the whole past year?  He always said he could never see what was right in front of him.  Well that was never clearer than now.  What was right in front of him was all he needed or wanted and now it could be lost because of something he thought he needed and wanted.  As he looked at Demelza that morning, sitting up in their bed, calm and collected despite the pain he knew she must be feeling, he couldn’t help but admit to being a fool.  His malingering, misplaced devotion towards a woman who offered him nothing had tainted the love of someone who had offered him everything without conditions or questions. 

For the past ten years, while he played with the thought of Elizabeth in his mind, this woman gave her body and soul to him all because she loved him. It was as simple as that. She had given him a home, children and stability and asked for nothing in return except his love. When he offered her stockings on Christmas as a poor consolation for months of neglect, she said then that his caring was all she needed. He knew the other night that her caring and love were what was driving her when she asked him not to go. She knew if he did not, that in the end lives would be upturned and hurt would prevail. And she was right.

He stood up now, almost wanting to go to her, to try and being to make amends but saw that she was closed off from such a gesture. Her arms were wrapped around her body as if defending itself against further hurt and her eyes were red rimmed and shimmering as if she’d been crying. The vision of her in tears over this was almost more than he could bear and yet it was too soon for him to try and talk to her again, for the wound he inflicted was still fresh and hadn’t started to heal. 

Ross walked over to Jeremy and gathered him up in his arms, holding him tight as he closed his eyes and breathed in his scent. He couldn’t believe that he doubted wanting another child and now couldn’t imagine their lives without him. If his actions drove Demelza away, could he bear a life void of their presence?  He knew the answer to that and he needed to communicate that to his wife. Eventually.  For now he focused on just getting through the day.  Putting Jeremy down, he led the little boy by the hand to the pump and coaxed Garrick to follow.

“Wash Garrick, Papa?” the little one asked.

“Yes my boy. We are going to try and wash Garrick,” Ross answered. 

Holding the dog still, he and Jeremy poured a bucket of water on the mongrel that immediately shook and sprayed them both.  A flashback of someone else being swilled under the pump came to Ross’s mind and he smiled sadly.  That seemed to be a lifetime ago he thought as he looked up and saw Demelza smiling as well, knowing her mind was probably back in that same place.  Just one experience in their lives that were filled with many experiences both good and bad.  Now what he’d done could be added to that list but it had done something all the others did not.  It had led to his forfeiture of her trust but he hoped not of her love.

**Author's Note:**

> Just another lunchtime diversion. 
> 
> Enjoy!


End file.
